Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
