I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high we made milksteak
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
