Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
