I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
