I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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