I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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