worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
