I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i will never coherently bang her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
