I skipped work to stalk him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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