Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
