i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
