it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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