found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
please come you make the beer taste better
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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