I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
