You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
