The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
