Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
