Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
