Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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