Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
