I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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