just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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