I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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