at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
