I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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