the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
