You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
