A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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