My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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