Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
