Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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