he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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