these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
