I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
