My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
