absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
