Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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