No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
