hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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