My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
