Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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