She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
