Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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