Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
