Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want her autograph on my taint
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
