why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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