So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm at about main and main street
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
