Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
