Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
