I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
