Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
