the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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