I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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