Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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